Thursday, August 05, 2004
8:44 PM
bloggie..y like tat..i got realli very unstable last nite again..haiz..bloggie..when will this be over?haiz..i broke mi promise to miself..i cried becoz of him again..blog..prehaps i haven realli get over it yet..i see him in sch every day..sometimes say hello to him..but..behind his back..im looking at him..n suddenly..everything in the past started coming back fresh into mi head..tats how life's like for mi..but..in front of him..though sometimes will still look down or smth..i told miself..i muz be happy..n in front of him..i seemed to be happy..with frenz..actualli im still quite alrite..can be strong..like wad i always say to miself..i muz be strong..but when i reach home..is like suddenly a very different mi le..i dun wan to talk much..at nite i juz locked miself in the room..then when later..10++..come out read mi chi novel..mama start talking to mi non-stop..find it very irritating..call her dun talk to mi..then she continue talking..then cant stand it..lock miself up in mi room again..mood realli realli very bad..then after tat will start crying if im super not okie..tats the cycle every single nite..then every morning wake up when tying mi hair listen songs..hope to cheer miself up a little..haiz..blog..one day..if i have the choice..i would still wan choose to fly away..i think i know y i cant put all these behind mi..coz i still like him..a lot..u know..when i see couples in front of mi..i will think..how xing fu they are..i wan to ask him..he now happi ma?i think so..but is he xing fu??i realli hope he is..even he ends up with another gal in the end to seek his xing fu..im not noble..he once said i was..im not..im selfish..but i cant be tat selfish..tatz possession..tats not wad like is realli like..i dun wish to be alone at nite..i dun wan to be the one who is always looking out for beautiful sunsets..i dun wan to be the onli one who is admiring the stars n wondering if they r trying to tell mi smth..such beautiful views..i dun wan to enjoy it miself..coz itz not enjoyable at all..this coming sunday there will be fireworks..set at marina bay i think..i wan to watch..but i think i watch i will end up crying instead..serious..suddenly i became so afraid of so mani things..i think..hez no longer there anymore le ba..hez no longer the one whom i can share these views with..not anymore..n ya..im not okie tonite..again..
